“I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance.” John 10:10
I awoke at 6:00am. My body was telling me it was time to get up. The warmth of my bed was yelling no. I could hear the cat clawing under my bedroom door. Breakfast time. I dressed in my morning comforts and open the door. The cat runs ahead of me, chattering and purring as if she hasn’t eaten in days. I feed her, mostly to quiet her. I grab my water kettle to start my morning brew. I glance at a plaque on the wall, it says, “Good Morning! This is God. I will be handling all your problems today.” Huh. I put coffee grounds in a french press and wait for the water to boil. All that fills the kitchen is the sound of the boiling water and the cat crunching her food. I breathe deep, staring at the wall. There has got to be more than this.
The rhythm of my life was a single drum beat. I was waiting on God. It’s a story only the enemy could conjure. A month after we bought our house my husband was laid off. The purchase was a victory over our past. We had been in a period of desperation turned to joy. Then we just fell off a cliff. I didn’t have it in me to be desperate again. Now I was holding my breath. I was mad at God. Not wanting to admit it, I turned numb.
I poured my coffee and sit down in my chair. I opened my Bible. John 10:10. Abundant life. I thought, Jesus! I don’t feel like I have an abundant life. I am living the definition of insanity! Jesus responds in my Spirit, “You are alive.” Of course I am alive. What do you mean I am alive? Again, He said, “You are FULLY ALIVE.”
I didn’t get it right away but the words stuck with me. As I kept pondering those words, a basic truth was revealed. To be alive is to have the Holy Spirit. God was telling me that my numbness was producing death. I was forgetting He was in me. That I could just talk to Him. I might always be loved but I can only give and receive love if I am willing to open up and communicate. One moment I sensed nothing, the next moment I sensed gratitude as I told God, “I am really mad at you.” When I decided to let go of my circumstances and talk, the position of my heart changed from circumstantial to hope. Hope lead to expectancy. Expectancy lead to faith. Faith moved the mountain of my circumstances. Turns out, He knew everything all along. My confession changed my perspective. A whole new world opened up to me, as I sensed He was always with me. A new beat began to play in my heart and I came alive.