For context, please read: Unplanned Part 4: A Call to Healing
When you hit rock bottom, there is nowhere to look but up. Hope was the tiny light shining at the top of the deep pit that I had dug for myself. I didn’t know how I was going to get up into that light, but I was ready to do what it takes to get there. It was time for truth to enter my life. I was on my way to find out who I really am, to find my true identity.
The Old Identity
I hated crying but found myself on the floor bawling. My eyes opened wide as I read expounded scripture in Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity. The words she wrote revealed the motivation of all of my choices. Insecurity had purchased my life and made me a slave. I cared more about what other people thought of me than I cared about myself. There was a softness to this personal revelation; I didn’t feel punished, I felt released. God was clearing away the clutter of my actions to expose the root cause. Now that I could see clearly, I could finally turn and go another way.
The words that spoke so powerfully were: “You are clothed with strength and dignity and no one can take that away.” There was something I could grab a hold of: I had dignity and strength. Reading and believing those words brought tremendous freedom. So much so, I ran to my mentor full of joy. Strength and dignity gave me the courage to start the healing process I knew I was being called to. I finally made an appointment with a counselor.
The New Identity
Counseling seemed pretty cut and dry. Prior experience had taught me it was a gripe session. The counselor would ask a few questions, I would respond and often get emotional. When the 60 minute timer went off, we’d be done. That was not what I experienced the first day at the pregnancy center. Sure, we talked but I got homework! I was familiar with Bible Study, but not healing by way of studying the Bible. Biblical counseling turned out to be different than I expected.
Each week I took home various brochures, pamphlets, and print outs, each dealing with different subjects, and all important to healing. The golden ticket, however, was a bookmark entitled In Christ I Am. It contained 33 scripture statements declaring who I am now that I believe in Christ. This document changed my outlook on myself and ultimately on life itself. I took the bookmark home, read it, prayed it, and wrote every scripture with the declaration in my prayer journal. I had strived to be accepted, secure, and significant all of my life. In my study, I found those things were already true because of what Jesus did on the Cross. I assumed my true identity the day I put my faith in Jesus.
Committing to the Process
Healing and transformation is a process 99% of the time. Sometimes getting healing is simply learning that you believe something that isn’t Biblically true. Other times it is a process that involves the help of a professional. No matter what the process is, healing takes a commitment to do the work and going back to places we may not want to revisit. The best thing that could have happened in my life was for God to call me into a season of intense healing. I see now that healing was not just for me but for everyone in my life. The healthier I get, the better I can respond to the ups and downs of life. Now I have a choice, I can respond out of the pain of my past or I can respond with the clarity of the present. This isn’t easy and I am still not where I want to be but it has become my mission to be healthy emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It all began with knowing who I really am.
You can find information on In Christ I Am at: Freedom in Christ Ministries.